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Friday, October 1, 2010
A Jumbled Mess ...
11:24 PM | 
Posted by
~Visions~ |
.... Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Today was another of those days where you have to wonder what makes people tick. Why the need for hurtful lies and sneaking around at the expense of someone else.
Each day I get up, wondering, hoping I'll make it another three years to see my youngest son graduate high school. I go through these treatments and face the fears, all the while looking for the light that keeps me moving forward. But just when I think I've reached a time of respite,another boomerang comes and clips me.
I was sick this summer ... very sick. My birthday I spent in bed, unable to lift my head off the pillow. I didn't really notice, though as the next couple of months were not much better. At times, I felt like giving up, as I found myself with no support. My son's dad, in his bid to eak out more money from the system, took my son to live with him, under the guise that it would be best not to see me so ill. I felt I'd lost my baby ... for two months he rarely called and I never saw him. I was just too sick to focus, but a hug, from time to time, would have been needed.
Today, was a bit of a scary day. I get that way whenever I'm about to 'test' out a new drug. The good thing is that I should be able to get my hair back, but it's not without it's potential reactions.
However, just before going to the hospital, I received some news that devastated me financially and emotionally ... I'm now being told I'm no longer MY child's primary caregiver. What the $%#^? I thought his father was my friend, heck I'd supported him many times. But he decided to go behind my back and now I just have to take up the fight. There's more I could say. But right now I'm still too angry and I could say something I may regret. My hope is that, one day, my son sees his father for the man he truly is ... but that day is not TOday ....
I was sick this summer ... very sick. My birthday I spent in bed, unable to lift my head off the pillow. I didn't really notice, though as the next couple of months were not much better. At times, I felt like giving up, as I found myself with no support. My son's dad, in his bid to eak out more money from the system, took my son to live with him, under the guise that it would be best not to see me so ill. I felt I'd lost my baby ... for two months he rarely called and I never saw him. I was just too sick to focus, but a hug, from time to time, would have been needed.
Today, was a bit of a scary day. I get that way whenever I'm about to 'test' out a new drug. The good thing is that I should be able to get my hair back, but it's not without it's potential reactions.
However, just before going to the hospital, I received some news that devastated me financially and emotionally ... I'm now being told I'm no longer MY child's primary caregiver. What the $%#^? I thought his father was my friend, heck I'd supported him many times. But he decided to go behind my back and now I just have to take up the fight. There's more I could say. But right now I'm still too angry and I could say something I may regret. My hope is that, one day, my son sees his father for the man he truly is ... but that day is not TOday ....
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3 comments:
I so don't understand people sometimes. What is this perverse need to hurt someone when they are down?
I'm so sorry. If there is anything I can do to help in any way, I hope you'll ask.
I love that sculpture!
As for your ex, someday, he is going to stand before his maker, and explain himself. That seems punishment enough. I do hope that he will let your child visit, even if he has taken over primary caregiver duties!
Thank you both for your kind words. This is just another in a long list of hurts.