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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose. .... Tom Krause I love feeling like this .... -
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." .... William Blake I've been in deep conversations with mysel... -
"As she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma." .... Sri Guru Granth Sahib My sister is a bitch. There... -
"We don't have an eternity to realize our dreams, only the time we are here." .... Susan Taylor Once upon a time, a million y... -
"No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant." .... Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche Today was another of those days where you ... -
There are times when just sitting quietly, listening to the sound of the waves gently caressing the shore is as close to serenity as you can... -
“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One ... -
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. .... Phyllis Diller Phew! October is over. Breast Cancer awareness month. I really don’t want to... -
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” .... Albert Einstein October 20th, people everywhere we... -
"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all ...
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Showing posts with label lake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lake. Show all posts
Friday, November 5, 2010
On the Inside Looking Out ...
1:20 PM | 
Posted by
~Visions~ |
You can’t wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club.
.... Jack London
So, I’ve embarked on a bit of a fun ride, for now. I’m literally escaping reality for a while and it feels good.
For the rest of this next month -- the next 25 days to be exact, I’ll be working furiously to finish my novel. If luck is with me, my manuscript will be ready to be shopped around before the new year.
Writing has always been an escape for me. It’s a place where I can create my own world and control the elements within it. Well ... most of the time. Sometimes characters have their own mind. However, unlike the real world, nothing is beyond my ability to change it.
I’m looking at more tests soon and I’m trying hard not to focus on it. Even though I’m getting better, there’s always that fear, that never-ending fear. And so, I’d rather retreat into a place I know: a place of my own making. As a result, this is a perfect time to retreat into never-neverland.
This is National Novel Writing Month, NaNoWriMo for short. It’s a month where those crazy enough to take on the challenge find that their lives revolve around word counts, plots, characters and scenes. Everything else fades to black and for me, it’s a wonderful meditation.
This particular work-in-progress isn’t my tell-all story; I may tackle that one during the Script Frenzy in April. Although I've been told, from those who know my story, that it’ll have to be written as fiction. Few would believe my story was real.
And this book? It's a paranormal. Well ... I won’t give it away, but I’d be careful if someone whispered my name ...
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Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Searching for Truth ...
.... Sri Guru Granth Sahib
My sister is a bitch.
There. I’ve said it. It feels great to finally find that release in being honest. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to bow my head in shame thinking it’s me that is at fault.
To carry on the theme of Thanksgiving, I’m grateful that I can finally call my sister out for the obnoxious person that she is. She is a despicable human being who has stooped to levels I didn’t know existed to make my life a living hell. I’ve wrestled with writing this post for a long time. How much should I say? What should I hold back? However, if this is about my healing, then I need to be truthful in all aspects.
Time and again I’ve tried to voice how I felt, but between my sister and my mother (two peas in the same pod) I was constantly told how I was deluded. I must have imagined it all. However, after years of therapy, I was led to the conclusion that they both suffer from altered reality. My sister is a cross addict, a recovering anorexic and a nymphomaniac ... a rather bad combination. My mother ... well she has her own issues, to be discussed later.
Thankfully, over the years, I’ve had witnesses to my ‘imaginary’ trials. Real, live people without whom I’d have truly gone insane.
Had my sister even apologized for the heinous things she’s done, perhaps I could have forgiven her. But not once, has she ever acknowledged any of her transgressions. I won’t get into those now, but bit by bit, I’ll deal with them here. This way, perhaps, I can finally let go the past and the pain that haunts me.
For years, I tried to help her find what she needed. I was there to comfort her over her numerous breakups. I helped her get into rehab when she’d hit her bottom. I refused to enable her habits when everyone else turned a blind eye. But rather than be grateful, she tried her best to destroy every happiness I had.
She’s run the gamut from making passes at my boyfriends and husbands, to taking me to court on criminal charges based on nothing but lies, to trying to convince my kids that I abused them. She even abandoned me when I was diagnosed with cancer, never even enquiring how the surgeries had gone. Why? I have no idea. Except for the fact that she’s mentally unstable.
Why am I telling you all this? Because after years of her abuse and lies, after being so ill this summer I thought I would die, she wanted to come up to ‘help’ me. Again, like a fool I believed she had changed and finally wanted to make amends. Although in retrospect, I’m not sure she wanted anything more than a free vacation. Less than a week after she arrived, refusing to spend any time with me, she craftily orchestrated an argument, so she could leave and go to my youngest daughter. She, along with my mother as her trusty sidekick, did their best to convince her that it was all my fault. This has now driven a wedge between my daughter and I that may take a very long time to heal.
It’ll be interesting to see the kind of karma my sister ends up having to pay back. What goes around always comes around.
And sometimes payback’s a bitch too.
There. I’ve said it. It feels great to finally find that release in being honest. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to bow my head in shame thinking it’s me that is at fault.
To carry on the theme of Thanksgiving, I’m grateful that I can finally call my sister out for the obnoxious person that she is. She is a despicable human being who has stooped to levels I didn’t know existed to make my life a living hell. I’ve wrestled with writing this post for a long time. How much should I say? What should I hold back? However, if this is about my healing, then I need to be truthful in all aspects.
Time and again I’ve tried to voice how I felt, but between my sister and my mother (two peas in the same pod) I was constantly told how I was deluded. I must have imagined it all. However, after years of therapy, I was led to the conclusion that they both suffer from altered reality. My sister is a cross addict, a recovering anorexic and a nymphomaniac ... a rather bad combination. My mother ... well she has her own issues, to be discussed later.
Thankfully, over the years, I’ve had witnesses to my ‘imaginary’ trials. Real, live people without whom I’d have truly gone insane.
Had my sister even apologized for the heinous things she’s done, perhaps I could have forgiven her. But not once, has she ever acknowledged any of her transgressions. I won’t get into those now, but bit by bit, I’ll deal with them here. This way, perhaps, I can finally let go the past and the pain that haunts me.
For years, I tried to help her find what she needed. I was there to comfort her over her numerous breakups. I helped her get into rehab when she’d hit her bottom. I refused to enable her habits when everyone else turned a blind eye. But rather than be grateful, she tried her best to destroy every happiness I had.
She’s run the gamut from making passes at my boyfriends and husbands, to taking me to court on criminal charges based on nothing but lies, to trying to convince my kids that I abused them. She even abandoned me when I was diagnosed with cancer, never even enquiring how the surgeries had gone. Why? I have no idea. Except for the fact that she’s mentally unstable.
Why am I telling you all this? Because after years of her abuse and lies, after being so ill this summer I thought I would die, she wanted to come up to ‘help’ me. Again, like a fool I believed she had changed and finally wanted to make amends. Although in retrospect, I’m not sure she wanted anything more than a free vacation. Less than a week after she arrived, refusing to spend any time with me, she craftily orchestrated an argument, so she could leave and go to my youngest daughter. She, along with my mother as her trusty sidekick, did their best to convince her that it was all my fault. This has now driven a wedge between my daughter and I that may take a very long time to heal.
It’ll be interesting to see the kind of karma my sister ends up having to pay back. What goes around always comes around.
And sometimes payback’s a bitch too.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Looking North ... The Search for Faith ...
....
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Where to go from here ...
.... Erich Fromm
I've been mulling over where to go from here. In the last few weeks I've been doing a lot of introspection. I've never been one to be public with my personal life, so this is leaving me feeling rather vulnerable. How much do I say ... what do I hold back. Even when I was first diagnosed, only a very few people knew what I was going through. I chose to keep things private as I didn't need anyone's pity.
Interestingly enough, what amazed me the most, was who chose to walk away in my time of crisis. I'll get into that more later, as I still feel fragile when I think of it. I always thought family was there to support each other ... I was always there when needed. But when the time came when I couldn't stand on my own, I found the goodness of strangers came to my rescue, while someone I'd trusted let me fall.
For more great scenic shots please visit Scenic Sunday!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Million Dollar View ...
... Dr. Seuss
See gorgeous skies from all over the world at Skywatch Fridays.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Visions of Blue ...
For more awesome sky pics from all over the world visit SkyWatch Friday HERE!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Me 'N My Buddy ...
For more awesome shots do visit Monochrome Weekly and Sepia Scenes.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Nightfall ...
When sun has set, and night is moving in, is a beautiful time where the world seems to stand still.For more awesome scenes, check out Scenic Sunday.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Storm's Coming ...
For more awesome scenes, check out Scenic Sunday.
Friday, September 4, 2009
From Here to Serenity ...
There are times when just sitting quietly, listening to the sound of the waves gently caressing the shore is as close to serenity as you can get. There's a wonderful sense of contentment just BE-ing. What a great place to re-energize the batteries and I'm so very grateful I live where I do.
For more awesome sky pics from all over the world visit SkyWatch HERE!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Solitude
This piece was created during a time when I needed peace and tranquility. When the world gets chaotic, it's important to remember to withdraw even for just a little while.
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