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Monday, September 27, 2010
I Lift my Eyes ...
8:52 PM | 
Posted by
~Visions~ |
.... Author Unknown
Time seems to go by so quickly; sometimes I turn around and everything has changed. Yesterday's toddlers now tower over me and I've yet to understand how that happened.
All I've ever been ... all I've ever known ... is being a mom. Sure I've had my work: careers even. But as an artist, I know my greatest masterpieces are my kids. That's what has made this disease so difficult to bear. Would I be there for them when they needed me? Would I get to see them grow up?
Yes, cancer CAN be lived with ... even beaten. I've managed to stay ahead of it for nine years, but it's not been without a price. I can't tell you how many notes to my kids I've jotted down during times when fear overtook. Little snippets that would help them remember me and what I wanted for them, should I not get through a particularly rough patch.
I remember sitting down, notebook in hand, just before the very first chemo session. I furiously scratched out a will and gave it to my then partner, in case something went wrong. He likely thought I was crazy, but it made me feel better knowing that who got what family heirlooms was decided. I'd already written each of my three kids a note days before and told him where they were so he could pass them on. I still have them somewhere ... in a safe place ... along with the dozens of other ones I've written over the years.
But as with anything ... there is a purpose. Nothing is by accident. I don't take time for granted anymore. At least I try not to.I've learned to appreciate each day that dawns, each birthday I make it to ... every holiday I get to cook and clean for ... all the while still grumbling and complaining about the ache here, or the scars there.
I can't turn back time. I can't make my three, wonderful kids small again. But I can appreciate the sunlight on my face as I watch them become all that they can be. As long as I'm still breathing ... it's a good day!
See more beautiful pictures at Today's Flowers and
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