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British Columbia, Canada
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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. ... Albert Einstein

I'm a creative. I don't know how to be anything else. Everything I see, hear, smell is fuel for my muse. I've had several careers, but was never content until I found my niche.

Now, I run a home-based studio, FyreWork Designs where I freelance as a photographer, writer and designer. I wear many hats, but love what I do. I enjoy working in variety of artistic venues: digital alchemy, multi-media as well as mixed media. I often use my photography as a springboard to create fanciful images.

You'll find variety here, complete with comments as the muse sees fit. You've been warned ;-)

Oh, and in case you didn't know ... I'm a cancer survivor. Every day I wake up, I've survived!

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Refreshing the Soul ...

"The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time."
.... William Butler Yeats



“The margins are unclear,” the doctor’s voice said over the phone. “We’ll need to do a biopsy.” With those words, I remember hanging up the phone, feeling numb.

I’d just gone in for an ultrasound to check on a couple of cysts that had been present for quite a few years. I really wasn’t sure what to expect ... but not this. Facing Breast Cancer was NOT part of my life plan. So, dutifully, a couple of weeks later, I went in for a needle biopsy. It wasn’t as painless as they claimed. I felt more uncertain after the procedure. What were the odds? I was afraid, confused ... and sad. What if?

Panic hadn’t quite set in, but I did started promising to eat better, sleep better, ease up on the stress.  I felt alone even though I knew those around me were concerned. It was then that I realized I was about to start down a path where no one could really follow.

The biopsy was performed just before a long weekend, and the results were going to take some time. So we made plans to go to our in-laws ‘camp’ ... a log cottage, two and a half hours down a logging road, set just back from an idyllic, serene lake. I needed to think and this was perfect. I remember taking out one of the canoes and rowing out to the middle of the lake, with no one else around, and screaming. What I felt was primal and raw.

Since my sister and I shared the same in-laws, her family was there too. And, although it was a relatively peaceful time, that tranquility was not to last. Just days after our return home, I got the dreaded phone call. The tests were positive. I felt detached from reality. My youngest was only six. The future became fuzzy and although I wanted to cry, the tears would not come. It was the last time for many things. It was the last time I felt strong. It was the last time I felt innocent. It was the last time I saw my sister for a very long while.

2 comments:

Barbara said...

What a life changing thing cancer is... a challenge to say the least. I have found that alot of my strength going through the journey of healing comes from a positive attitude. I am 11 years out now (leukemia) Thanks for sharing your journey and take care. Hugs to you.

~Visions~ said...

Yes, Barbara it is. And you are SO right ... attitude is everything!! Best of luck on your own journey and may you continue with vibrant health!

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