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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. ... Albert Einstein

I'm a creative. I don't know how to be anything else. Everything I see, hear, smell is fuel for my muse. I've had several careers, but was never content until I found my niche.

Now, I run a home-based studio, FyreWork Designs where I freelance as a photographer, writer and designer. I wear many hats, but love what I do. I enjoy working in variety of artistic venues: digital alchemy, multi-media as well as mixed media. I often use my photography as a springboard to create fanciful images.

You'll find variety here, complete with comments as the muse sees fit. You've been warned ;-)

Oh, and in case you didn't know ... I'm a cancer survivor. Every day I wake up, I've survived!

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Forgiveness?! ...

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."  .... William Blake


I've been in deep conversations with myself for a while now. I know I need to forgive the past, so that I can create a better future. But there are so many layers. So much that has been done that was never acknowledged. However, in order to let go, I have to forgive the unforgiveable.

Writing about this now, is my way of finding closure. My hope is that each time I tackle past hurts, I can turn the page and forgive the person that caused me unnecessary pain.

But I'm struggling. It's very difficult. I can forgive so many things. It's really not in my nature to hold a grudge. But it's hard to forgive those you thought had your back, only to find they were busy plunging daggers into it.

I came across a lovely meditation yesterday on Reiki and forgiveness. It was a sign, I thought. I'm a Reiki master and am always teaching that in Reiki there are no coincidences. I've been battling with myself over this forgiveness theme for a while. So when I saw this meditation, I tried to focus on it. I went to sleep last night trying to pry the cold, icy grasp of anger from my gut, and replace it with an inner calm. It didn't quite work.

I'm still striving to sort out so many things, but I'm determined to find a solution. I've worked hard on forgiving most of those who have hurt me in my life. I had lessons to learn. I get that. But some things, I just can't get past. Not yet, and I'm working so hard to do just that.

I want to scream at my sister who has tried for years to alienate my kids by telling them lies. All the while, she was the unfit one who walked out on her little baby boys to pursue men and drugs. Why would she try to hurt me with untruths about things that never happened? Was it to justify her own bad behaviour? If it had stopped, perhaps I could have just let it go. But she continues to this day taking great delight in her fabrications. How does one forgive that? How do you overcome hurt after hurt after hurt?

I have prayed about this ... asking for guidance. And then, when I read that article yesterday, I realized it gave me the opportunity to forgive the person, without condoning the act. So ... here goes.

I forgive you, Linda. I know you have an illness and I should be the better person. So I forgive the soul that you are. But I don't think I can ever forget the terrible things you've done to me. Maybe someday, but not today.

 Today's Flowers and Bluberry craft and hobby time

10 comments:

Poetic Shutterbug said...

The flowers are beautiful. I have learned that forgiveness is more for ourselves than the other person. Holding in anger for someone only hurts us. You don't have to forget but forgive for you.

~Visions~ said...

You are SO right, Poetic Shutterbug. I appreciate your kind words.

donna said...

Dr. Phil once said, we teach people how to treat us...For me I had allowed people to treat me badly, the more I allowed it and kept in contact with them the more often it happened.
You may not forget, but in time when you remember the terrible stuff it won't have an affect on you...
It is still to fresh, the wounds need to heal.
You have cut the "cancerous" relationships from your life, even if they are family. Sometimes when its family it hurts the deepest.
I'm here for you as you are for me, always,
D

~Visions~ said...

I have to agree. And my head knows it. Just my emotions haven't caught up yet. I am cutting out the cancer ... at least I'm trying. And thank you for being there. I'm so grateful for your support.

donna said...

You'll get there...baby steps, one step at a time...
It isn't an easy thing to do, I know, trust me.
Peace of mind and tranquility within is wonderful state to be in.

Ewa said...

there is some bad things in my life that I will always remeber and the people that cause the pain,
but I was able to forgive them, not forget but forgive, it helped me to move on with my life and I am happier now;

thank you for linking with Flowers on Saturday

Vernz said...

what a beauty.... the flower and your heart....

On this side, I still don't have that sign to forgive yet thanks for you post for letting me reconsider... all the best..

hope you can drop by my
Flowers on Saturday Here

Erika B said...

That's a beautiful shot. Not always easy to forget but I think we need to remind ourselves how important it is that we at least try.

Erika B

clouds bring rainbows said...

if there is alink between emotion and one's immunity, could anger and
other negative feelings induce sickness or exacerbate an already existing condition?

~Visions~ said...

Exactly! Which is why I'm finally learning to cleanse. Something I was told to do a LONG time ago. Emotions ARE the driving force. Hence the reason for bringing all this darkness to light. It can't survive there.

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